this is something i pride myself on being below average for
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize