i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize