NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
