the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
