i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
And then he peed in my hair
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