u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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