I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
