The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize