so that wasnt chicken after all
I can tuck mytits in my pants
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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