he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
