I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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