its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
