ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
