you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
