A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize