You can't motorboat a personality
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
