how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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