Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize