atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
