She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
