Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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