so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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