I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize