Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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