the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
