That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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