as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
