Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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