Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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