We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
