Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
