i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
