So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
