I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
