I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
