I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize