Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
i now understand why vodka
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
