Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
