Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
