i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
