i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
