I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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