Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
