i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
