you traded sex for a burrito?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize