Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
