i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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