why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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