He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
