so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
