Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
