just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
