My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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