I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we're making bets on your personal life
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
