I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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