as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
