Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
