i just had sex bonerless
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's blow job season.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
