I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
