but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
