I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
