Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
