my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
