chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
