At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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