ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
