hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
