and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Randomize
