just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
high people should be assigned attendants
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize