this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
