This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
