So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
