Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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