I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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