on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize