She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
