I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
