but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
