I wanna bring you to show and tell
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
