I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You are the jesus of drinking
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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