Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
