someone threw a dead crab at me
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Panties = found
Randomize