Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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