If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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