i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
