this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
