I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
