My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Watching her eat just hurts me
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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