I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
