my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
