you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
