I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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