Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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