Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
