weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize