very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
