Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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