capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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