I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
