i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
