12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
