you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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