I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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