We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
