What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
