Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize