Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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