New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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