10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
