but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
