If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
