Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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