Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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